How hard can it be?

My parents have a great story.

My mom was my dad’s temp for a couple months when my dad went out on a limb, crossed the line and asked her out.

After dating for a few weeks or so, my dad showed up on her door step one weekend when he was on duty with the Army Reserves. With only a few hours to spare, he wanted to see her before he had to report back to base which was a couple hours away. My mom says that’s when she knew my father was serious about her.

Before then, my mom, who had been engaged once before, was simply dating my father, but my father had greater intentions. A month later he proposed, they’ve been married forty one years this past November.

This story probably sounds familiar. Many of your parents may have a similar story. Folks used to be more “certain” and unafraid to step out on faith. People wholeheartedly wanted to be in a marriage.

Over time theres been an increase in temptation and a decrease in decency. How many wedding shows make a fool of the union of marriage? How many reality shows make commitment seem like a joke? How many cows can a man milk with out paying for a drop? Commitment is passé.

Things have been dumbed down so much we have shit like “in a relationship and it’s complicated” options on Facebook. It’s complicated because you make it that way. A friend of mine put it best when he said “if you have to have time apart, it’s best you don’t bring that time back together.”

So what happened with relationships?

The way I see it, my parents situation is rare. Even for that time. Most of my fathers friends are divorcees. Relationships didn’t necessarily last, they just kinda lasted longer than they do now. People tried longer and harder to make the impossible a possibility. But people have gotten tired.

I think what’s missing in most relationships is true compatibility. Sure, people love each other and there is passion or whatever, but people are out here taking huge steps on a hope and a prayer that they can communicate better with their loved ones once they say “I do”. Never-mind that their entire relationship was built with them being on entirely different wavelengths.

People often mistake sexual compatibility with true compatibility. Or even the fact that they love someone with compatibility. I believe you can love someone so much that you don’t want to be without them, regardless of whether you’re compatible or not.

I, myself, am what my dad calls “a fixer”, meaning if something isn’t right, I’m going to try to make it right instead of saying “this is not for me” and throwing a fish back. That’s because I want to be loved in the same way that I love. I want a soul mate. But compatibility is so hard to come by that I typically settle for what I want right now.

I honestly think that when you find that one person, the most special person, and you get them and they get you, it’s all easy. You have no questions or doubts or repairs to make. But it’s so few and far between that we sacrifice time and energy just trying to get a taste of what’s real. It’s easier than being alone and it’s exciting.

Most people go their whole lives without ever finding complete compatibility. That’s why divorce is so popular…amongst other reasons; it’s easier to “give it a shot” than it is to hold out. And who can blame people for trying?

That’s not to imply that everyday is going to be flowers and candy, that’s just to say the moments of frustration, doubt and anger are fewer and farther between. There is no “working it out” bullshit. That’s a given.

When you’re really compatible with someone, they’re your best friend and you’re too busy having a blast and enjoying each other to let anything keep you down for too long. Nothing is more important than getting back on the same accord.

I look forward to it. That lock-in-key-hand-in-glove fit. When everything just makes sense and I don’t have to question anything. I refuse to waste another day wishing someone would “get” me. This shit really isn’t that hard.